New Chuck Norris Calendar

I bought a Chuck Norris calendar for my desk at work. It is nails.

Each month has a picture of him - dressed up in Army gear, wearing a karate gi, holding a machine gun - and a Chuck Norris fact.

Month-by-month quips:

2008
September - December
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

2009
January
Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.

February
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.

March
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

April
Chuck Norris calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.

May
They wanted to put Chuck Norris' head on Mount Rushmore but the granite wasn't strong enough for his beard.

June
Chuck Norris picks his teeth with other people's teeth.

July
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

August
Chuck Norris' house has no doors. Just walls that he walks through.

September
Chuck Norris got his driver's license at the age of 16 seconds.

October
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

November
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and can make him drink.

December
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.